The Phoenix

You know how I was talking about a phoenix rising from the ashes back in November? How life had really gotten me down but that everything *had* to improve for the better?

Well, it took a bit longer for that to happen than I'd hoped, and it turns out that I hadn’t completely caught fire yet. I had much more devastation to experience before I could pop out the other side, a little worse for wear, but with a smile on my face and skip in my step. I am Katniss in Hunger Games at the end of the first book, where she finally can look around and feel safe, if a little scarred. I am Bilbo, finally returning home to find his neighbors stealing his things.

To say it was an easy transition would be the equivalent of saying that the 1906 earthquake in San Francisco made the city more earthquake proof.

Well I made it to the other side. I’m more earthquake proof, I suppose. I am safe. I am sound. All is well.

I’ve been stripped of that which I no longer need to make room for things that make me much happier overall. It was painful, it was unexpected, and I wouldn’t trade it. My sense of self was tested and I truly learned what I am capable of. I came to terms with my gut instinct and faced the truth head on. I was pretending to be happy, trying to see my life through rose colored glasses to fend off the ongoing churning in my gut telling me that it was all wrong for me. I was so deeply unhappy.

I suppose I can feel blessed now that I’ve come out the other side. I’ve come to terms with what was wrong. I faced it. And it was brutal, and I even got a cold sore for my efforts. If not for my friends and family I wouldn’t have been able to make it. Like Frodo and his fellowship, I could never have traversed the emotional rollercoaster and personal devastation without them. When I felt like I was falling apart at the seams they were there for me, holding my hand and trying to show me the positive side of it. That it was only temporary. That you make it to the other side eventually, even though it’s painful and difficult and feels like a bomb went off in your life.

I have alluded to things but I won’t share any specifics. Just know if you’re going through something similar, you will make it to the other side. Reach out to your support network, get a therapist, talk it out. Don’t hold in your fears and your concerns. You need to talk about it to process it and find your path. Once you have an idea where you’re headed, what path you’ve chosen, even traveling to the center of a volcano in the midst of war can be broken down in to simple steps. You put one foot in the front of the other, you keep your head down, and then one day, a week, a month, or a year later, you’ll realize you’re back at the shire, surrounded by friends, and all of that pain and hardship is now a story of adventure and bravery and fighting for your truth against all odds.

I hope this post reaches those who need it. I hope that no matter how hard it seems like the world is pressing down on you, that you never give up.

We are fighters. We are survivors. We are warriors.

All my love,

L.B.