Leading Men - The Abusive Hero is Overdone
I get it. He's the bad boy. He's dreamy because he's
mysterious and has a dark past. He loves you because he's always wondering
where you are. He's protecting you. He's strong and he cares about your hobbies. He is damaged and can kill and hurt whomever he wants, but not you. He would never hurt someone as cool and funny and understanding as you. He's troubled and only you can fix him.
Okay, come on. Edward is 117 or something ridiculous (I refuse to look this up) and he chooses to spend his time in high school... trying to date a boring girl with next to no personality. She's literally a glove of a human that any girl can insert herself into.
These "cool bad" guys in real life are attractive until a certain age, then you realize they are going no where with their lives and they are creepy beyond belief. These "mysterious" men, are truly just boring men with nothing to contribute to intelligent conversation, so they've learned being *attractive* is easier than gaining a personality and being *tough* is easier than being a man.
(Don't even get me started on the *nice* guy, I may do a piece on him soon. All the "Guys" are pathetic, be a MAN.)
The bad boy isn't protecting you and watching out for you, he's stalking you. If it was real life, there would be way more than you want to actually experience along with that stalking. Jealousy of your guy friends? Jealousy of your girl friends? Jealousy of any time you spend away from him? Calling you at work? Sneaking into your house without your knowledge and watching you while you sleep... (I'm looking at you, Eddie)
There is a fine line. The bad guy in the film/book/fantasy has some redeeming quality, because the writer added it. The abusive guy is forced by the writer to be saved by the woman in love with him. It makes for a promising and dramatic story as they all end happily ever after.
The bad boy in real life, is probably a sociopath, with severe emotional control issues, preying on the young because no one their age will date them. They aren't mysterious, they're depressed and angry. Why? Because they were probably emotionally abused as kids. So the abused become the abuser and the cycle continues. On, and on, and on... But never does the story end with black eyes and police knocking on the door.
These romanticized men do not exist. The one's that do exist are a joke. They are not the written version and you are looking at years of therapy for the poor fools who decide to date them. Or, they may never get out of the abusive relationship, but I don't want to travel down that dark analogy road with you. I will share this, one in four women and one in seven men will be abused in their lifetime.
Do you really want to help that statistic along by making it seem cool? There is an outpouring of support for the gender bias, and here you are, making a terrible, terrible mistake and pushing the social norm in the opposite direction for the sake of your own sick fantasy. At what cost?
So now, in the 21st Century, the women have the same rights as men (ish), but they pine for an abusive relationship in books?
Cognitive dissonance the world over is at a standstill.
Let's look at the two most obvious choices for the "bad boy": Edward from Twilight, and... *sigh* "Christian" Grey IS Edward from Twilight (it started as Twilight fan fiction. Don't ask me why I know that) so let's go back a little bit farther to...
Belle's father is threatened and thrown into a dungeon for.. trespassing. She only manages to free her father when she says she'll go into the dungeon instead... Then the beast threatens her and screams at her until she runs away and luckily (?) he follows her and saves her life from wolves. She nurses him back to health and ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom, Stockholm Syndrome has won over Belle's young, never-been-in-love, heart. Her father is terrified and tries to save her by telling all the townsfolk about how his daughter was kidnapped by a BEAST, and from here the story gets fuzzy... Luckily, there are talking inanimate objects to clarify to the audience that we are on the beast's side. *Phew* That was close, guys.
The romanticized abusive relationship is terrifying to me. Please stop writing these books. You may have some weird fantasy about them, but do you really want your daughter or your niece, or any girl for that matter, actually dating someone like the Beast? Or Edward, the million year old vampire that watches her sleep, makes her lie to her parents and gives up her LIFE for his child?
Sure! Throw in the supernatural and everything is happy and dandy!
Wait.
Do you want them to question their morals? Do you want them to pine for an emotionally stunted man with a depressing past and an awkward way with words? Who can't tell a woman he loves them? Who doesn't understand them and wants to be fawned over? Who doesn't actually care about them?
It shocks me that *this* relationship is socially acceptable and *loved*. It's racy and can't be allowed in schools, but fear not! Twilight is written by a Mormon and it's just fine for them to be together as long as they are married first.
Abuse is outright acceptable, but one hint of magic or a "potty mouth" sends everyone into an uproar, demonizing the books in the media. They call on libraries around the world to ban these satanic books. Blood sucking monsters are far better than witch's magic. Which, in their infinite wisdom, they haven't quite realized that banning a book is the surest way to sell a book.
The clearest examples to me are Harry Potter (again, I know, just... let it happen), and then the newest one I've seen is, "Captain Underpants." It's OUTBANNED 50 Shades of Grey?
REALLY?! Captain Underpants is NOT COOL for your kid to read? The same kid that is making those same jokes behind your back every single day?! This is the same kid that hated reading until this book came along and made him think, "Hey, they write books for me too!"
Congratulations half-wit, take the book that understands your kid away and now your kid hates reading. At least they'll grow up to be just like you! Hand them Beauty and the Beast and let's teach kids how to emotionally beat a woman into submission. Good job parents, you've sure done it!
I'm getting distracted... Back to the point.
Now here I feel like someone is going to say, "But the healthy relationship is boring. A healthy relationship won't sell books."
THAT'S WHAT THE ANTAGONIST IS FOR!
Some Disney examples incase you forgot:
Stop confusing the two! You don't need an abusive blob to save the girl, you need a HERO. In fact, why not turn it completely on its head? Why is the man the hero at all? That story has been written over and over again since the beginning of TIME. It's over. It's boring.
Let it die... Let it die with the old stereotypes of women. Let it fall by the wayside and let our daughters grow up frowning on our bad judgment. Create a generation of strong leaders who don't need no man to save them.
All my love,
L.B.
"And he sparkles!"
Okay, come on. Edward is 117 or something ridiculous (I refuse to look this up) and he chooses to spend his time in high school... trying to date a boring girl with next to no personality. She's literally a glove of a human that any girl can insert herself into.
These "cool bad" guys in real life are attractive until a certain age, then you realize they are going no where with their lives and they are creepy beyond belief. These "mysterious" men, are truly just boring men with nothing to contribute to intelligent conversation, so they've learned being *attractive* is easier than gaining a personality and being *tough* is easier than being a man.
(Don't even get me started on the *nice* guy, I may do a piece on him soon. All the "Guys" are pathetic, be a MAN.)
The bad boy isn't protecting you and watching out for you, he's stalking you. If it was real life, there would be way more than you want to actually experience along with that stalking. Jealousy of your guy friends? Jealousy of your girl friends? Jealousy of any time you spend away from him? Calling you at work? Sneaking into your house without your knowledge and watching you while you sleep... (I'm looking at you, Eddie)
There is a fine line. The bad guy in the film/book/fantasy has some redeeming quality, because the writer added it. The abusive guy is forced by the writer to be saved by the woman in love with him. It makes for a promising and dramatic story as they all end happily ever after.
The bad boy in real life, is probably a sociopath, with severe emotional control issues, preying on the young because no one their age will date them. They aren't mysterious, they're depressed and angry. Why? Because they were probably emotionally abused as kids. So the abused become the abuser and the cycle continues. On, and on, and on... But never does the story end with black eyes and police knocking on the door.
These romanticized men do not exist. The one's that do exist are a joke. They are not the written version and you are looking at years of therapy for the poor fools who decide to date them. Or, they may never get out of the abusive relationship, but I don't want to travel down that dark analogy road with you. I will share this, one in four women and one in seven men will be abused in their lifetime.
Do you really want to help that statistic along by making it seem cool? There is an outpouring of support for the gender bias, and here you are, making a terrible, terrible mistake and pushing the social norm in the opposite direction for the sake of your own sick fantasy. At what cost?
So now, in the 21st Century, the women have the same rights as men (ish), but they pine for an abusive relationship in books?
Cognitive dissonance the world over is at a standstill.
Let's look at the two most obvious choices for the "bad boy": Edward from Twilight, and... *sigh* "Christian" Grey IS Edward from Twilight (it started as Twilight fan fiction. Don't ask me why I know that) so let's go back a little bit farther to...
This guy.
Belle's father is threatened and thrown into a dungeon for.. trespassing. She only manages to free her father when she says she'll go into the dungeon instead... Then the beast threatens her and screams at her until she runs away and luckily (?) he follows her and saves her life from wolves. She nurses him back to health and ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom, Stockholm Syndrome has won over Belle's young, never-been-in-love, heart. Her father is terrified and tries to save her by telling all the townsfolk about how his daughter was kidnapped by a BEAST, and from here the story gets fuzzy... Luckily, there are talking inanimate objects to clarify to the audience that we are on the beast's side. *Phew* That was close, guys.
"You should be ashamed of yourselves."
The romanticized abusive relationship is terrifying to me. Please stop writing these books. You may have some weird fantasy about them, but do you really want your daughter or your niece, or any girl for that matter, actually dating someone like the Beast? Or Edward, the million year old vampire that watches her sleep, makes her lie to her parents and gives up her LIFE for his child?
Sure! Throw in the supernatural and everything is happy and dandy!
Wait.
Do you want them to question their morals? Do you want them to pine for an emotionally stunted man with a depressing past and an awkward way with words? Who can't tell a woman he loves them? Who doesn't understand them and wants to be fawned over? Who doesn't actually care about them?
It shocks me that *this* relationship is socially acceptable and *loved*. It's racy and can't be allowed in schools, but fear not! Twilight is written by a Mormon and it's just fine for them to be together as long as they are married first.
Abuse is outright acceptable, but one hint of magic or a "potty mouth" sends everyone into an uproar, demonizing the books in the media. They call on libraries around the world to ban these satanic books. Blood sucking monsters are far better than witch's magic. Which, in their infinite wisdom, they haven't quite realized that banning a book is the surest way to sell a book.
The clearest examples to me are Harry Potter (again, I know, just... let it happen), and then the newest one I've seen is, "Captain Underpants." It's OUTBANNED 50 Shades of Grey?
REALLY?! Captain Underpants is NOT COOL for your kid to read? The same kid that is making those same jokes behind your back every single day?! This is the same kid that hated reading until this book came along and made him think, "Hey, they write books for me too!"
Congratulations half-wit, take the book that understands your kid away and now your kid hates reading. At least they'll grow up to be just like you! Hand them Beauty and the Beast and let's teach kids how to emotionally beat a woman into submission. Good job parents, you've sure done it!
I'm getting distracted... Back to the point.
Now here I feel like someone is going to say, "But the healthy relationship is boring. A healthy relationship won't sell books."
THAT'S WHAT THE ANTAGONIST IS FOR!
Some Disney examples incase you forgot:
Stop confusing the two! You don't need an abusive blob to save the girl, you need a HERO. In fact, why not turn it completely on its head? Why is the man the hero at all? That story has been written over and over again since the beginning of TIME. It's over. It's boring.
Let it die... Let it die with the old stereotypes of women. Let it fall by the wayside and let our daughters grow up frowning on our bad judgment. Create a generation of strong leaders who don't need no man to save them.
We are strong, independent women.
HEAR US ROAR!
HEAR US ROAR!
All my love,
L.B.
Totally agree with you! What is the definition of a hero?
ReplyDeleteThese men are NOT the ones we should be spending time with... how frustrating!